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Anticipatory Grief

Writer's picture: Gaynor Gaynor

Anticipatory grief, also known as preparatory grief, is the feeling of sadness and distress that people experience when they are aware of an impending death of a loved one.


Anticipatory grief often occurs when someone is expected to die because they have a terminal illness. It is a way for people to start to get used to the idea that their loved one will be leaving their physical body.


When a loved one has dementia, cognitive decline can change their personality and close family can mourn the loss of the person that they knew.


This type of grief can be complicated and emotionally draining, creating intense emotions and feelings of helplessness.


People can feel a lot of different emotions when they are going through anticipatory grief, like anxiety, anger, guilt, loneliness, and confusion. They might also experience behavioural and physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, and insomnia.


A husband caring for his wife

Anxiety

It is common to experience anxiety when caring for someone who is dying. Feelings of sadness and pain may arise suddenly and repeatedly, causing fear and uncertainty about how to manage the situation. Concerns about the person's suffering, changes in their condition, and what will happen in the end can be overwhelming. Coping strategies can help ease anxiety.


Anger

Anger may be experienced when caring for someone who is dying, whether towards the situation or the person themselves for leaving. Managing your own emotions while also caring and wanting to spend quality time with the person can be challenging.


Guilt

It is common to feel guilty - worrying that you're not doing enough to help - or to feel conflicted about wanting the person to be free from pain while also wishing to delay their death. Survivors’ guilt may also arise as you continue with your life after they've passed.


Loneliness

Caring for someone who is ill can be isolating, especially if the person has changed or others don't understand what you're going through. Caring duties can also limit your opportunities to socialise and connect with family and friends. Carers may withdraw from social activities and relationships, or they may become more irritable or short-tempered with loved ones.


Anticipation

Preparing for a loved one's death may involve thoughts about how the person will pass and what life will be like afterwards. Although these thoughts may cause guilt, they are a normal part of coping with the situation.


Fatigue

Caring for someone who is dying can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Constant worry and the demands of caregiving can take a toll on your energy levels.


Physical Symptoms

Individuals may experience a loss of appetite or may eat a bland diet that lacks nutrition as they are just going through the motions and don’t have time to shop and cook a variety of healthy meals. Digestive issues are common when caring for someone who is dying.


There may be changes in sleeping patterns due to the caring duties and the effects of anxiety. People may have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Concentration may also be difficult during this time.


Supporting yourself

It's important to take care of yourself during this tough time by exercising, eating healthily, and getting plenty of rest. Setting aside the time to stay healthy is crucial to your well-being and your ability to carry out your caring role.


Don't be afraid to allow yourself to grieve and express your pain. You can try talking to a friend or loved one, or even writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. There are also online support groups and forums available that can help connect you with others who are going through something similar. Remember to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. Ask for help from friends and family or a sitting service if you need it.


Supporting People Experiencing Anticipatory Grief


Individuals who experience this type of grief may benefit from additional support to help them manage their emotions and cope with the impending loss. Encouraging open communication, offering practical and emotional support, providing information about resources, and respecting their wishes, can help the bereaved person navigate this challenging time with self-compassion and understanding.


Provide emotional support

Be present for the bereaved person and offer emotional support. This can include listening without judgment, providing a shoulder to cry on, or simply being there to offer comfort and support. Encourage the bereaved person to express their feelings and emotions openly and honestly. This can help them to process their emotions and feel heard and supported.


Offer practical support

Offer to help with practical tasks such as running errands, cooking meals, taking care of children or pets, or sitting with their loved one to give them a break. This can help alleviate some of the stress and responsibilities the bereaved person may feel.


Help them find resources

Provide information about grief support groups, counselling services, or other resources that may be helpful to the bereaved person. This can help them to find additional support and coping strategies.


Respect their wishes

It is important to respect the wishes of the bereaved person and allow them to grieve in their own way. Avoid making assumptions about how they should be feeling or what they should be doing.

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