
Coping with death and grieving for someone we care about is one of life's most challenging experiences. Grieving the death of a loved one can impact every aspect of our life. It can be difficult to know how to deal with grief in a healthy manner. How we cope with the emotions created by grieving is unique, causing different people to heal at various speeds. The most important aspect to understand about grieving is that there is no right way to do it.
When referring to the death of an individual, we will use the term "death" rather than "loss" in this blog. While "loss" can be interpreted in various ways, using it to refer to the death of a person can be construed differently for some individuals. The term "loss" may make people feel as if their suffering is being diminished and the person who has died is being regarded as missing or disposable, as if they can be found or replaced. Using the term "death" makes it apparent that we are talking about the end of life. It eliminates any misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the message we are attempting to express.
We believe that using clear and direct language is an important part of approaching the topic of death with sensitivity and respect. By choosing our words carefully, we hope to create a space where individuals can share their experiences of grief and bereavement in a way that feels safe and supportive.
How Grief Affects Us
Many people find it hard to cope with the raw, strong feelings that come with grieving. People often feel lonely and pull away from social situations and other people. One of the most difficult emotions to experience is guilt, which often comes along with sadness.
Usually, guilt manifests as disturbing images or memories accompanied by thoughts of “If only I had done/said …” This is a type of ‘magical thinking’ that seeks to have control over a situation that is beyond control. Thinking that if you had just done such and such, your loved one would still be alive.
It's also common for individuals to feel angry and hold a grudge and/or vent their frustration towards whomever they believe to be at fault. It might be s the doctor or the hospital, the person who died, if they completed suicide, or a relative who they feel should have done more for the deceased. Apathy, depression, and lack of appetite are common reactions.
Mourning and Expressing Sorrow
Mourning is how personal feelings of grief are expressed publicly. How people express their emotions depends on their relationship to and history with the deceased and also their gender, culture and personality.
Trying to ignore or bury your emotions just makes them stronger. How we believe we should mourn is heavily influenced by many factors outside of ourselves. Many of the feelings we have bottled up may be released when we give ourselves permission to grieve honestly without feeling limited or restricted. There are those who weep, those who shout, and those who laugh. Grieving, in whatever shape it takes, is a necessary element of healing and finding expression.
Healthy Grieving
Recognising the normalcy of one's grieving is an important first step. Grief is a natural human response to death. Culture and society may influence how one grieves, but no one should be made to feel guilty about the way in which they grieve. It's okay for someone to express their sorrow out loud and publicly. On the other hand, it's okay if some individuals need to continue their normal lives while grieving privately. Allowing emotions to come and go freely is more important than knowing which emotions to suppress or tame.
Difficulties Dealing with Grief
Feelings of grief may persist despite the passage of time. Sometimes people experience a worsening of their symptoms. This kind of grief is called "complicated grief". Those experiencing complicated grief may not accept the fact that their loved one has died or wish they had died with them because of the immense guilt they feel. In the months and years following the death, they may withdraw within themselves out of a profound sense of despair and melancholy.
Learning to deal with complicated grief is similar to learning how to deal with normal grief, but you may need more help from friends and family as well as professional help.
Seeking Help
Many people, after experiencing the death of a loved one, isolate themselves from friends and family, particularly those they identify with their sorrow. But confiding in others is one of the most helpful ways to learn to live with grief. Some people do not want to upset their family and friends and find it easier to express their feelings openly when speaking with a bereavement counsellor via a helpline. These conversations provide a foundation upon which we may build for the future. Friends, family, helplines, support groups, and communities are all possible resources.
Keeping a Regular Routine
Some individuals just give up after suffering a setback. They may stop doing even the most fundamental of daily tasks, such as getting out of bed in the morning, since doing so may seem impossible under the crushing weight of their sorrow. It is not an insult to the memory of the departed to let us go on with life. Living our lives does not mean we have forgotten or abandoned them. They will always be remembered and loved. If typical everyday activities are taxing, it's okay to ease back into them gradually.
Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle
Grief is often accompanied by sleep disturbances, decreased appetite, and apathy. Many of these factors may have serious consequences for our health and make recovery harder. During the process of grieving many individuals find that maintaining a healthy lifestyle feels pointless. Regular exercise habits can be a stabilising force during uncertain times. Consuming nutritious meals helps your body to keep going. Having a supportive person join you for meals or workouts might boost your motivation and help you feel less alone.
Strive for Balance
The death of someone we love can feel really tough, and it's normal to feel sad and in pain. But it's important to remember that grieving is something we actively do, it's not something that just happens to us. Finding a balance between grieving and taking breaks from grieving can make a big difference in helping us move forward and not feel overwhelmed. It can help to start small by finding moments and places where we're not actively grieving. Some people also like to carry small things that remind them of the person who passed away, as a way of honouring their memory even when they're not actively grieving.
Counselling
Many struggle to find the right way to grieve because it is such a unique experience for each of us. Professional bereavement counsellors are equipped with the knowledge and skills to assist clients in finding their own unique path through grief. This might include physical activities or rituals for certain people. For others, all they need is someone to listen to how they are feeling. Other parts of life may have grown more challenging after the death, and a counsellor may assist.
Unpredictability
Grief is an uncontrollable force, and its impact is not always dependent on how we are dealing with it. Grief may hit us like a wave, regardless of how long it's been since the death of a loved one. It just takes one painful memory to bring it all back. The best course of action is to stop letting these events control us. While experiencing death is inevitable, it need not shape who we are or how we go about our daily lives. Be comforted by the knowledge that these reminders are evidence that your loved one is never far from your thoughts. Prepare for anniversaries and special days by planning something nice for yourself to honour the memory of your loved one.
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