What you do matters, every second of every day the messages you send yourself affect your mood and well-being. When we grieve we can lose sight of our needs and self-care goes out the window. We can feel lost, and suffer from stress, anxiety and low mood. Depression can be a side-effect too.
However, we can learn to notice these signs and make a plan to deal with them by doing so. We can give ourselves some control back. Mindfulness is the art of being 'in the moment' and can put a brake on rumination and despair.
How does this work?
When distress comes out of the blue and overwhelms you it can be useful to tell yourself: "Just because I feel like this now it doesn't mean this mood is here to stay." Habitual ways of thinking can be triggered easily, so it might be helpful to ask yourself: "How can I best look after myself during this low period?"
Recognise signs that you are neglecting yourself. For example, staying in and not going out, cutting off contact with others, and dwelling on guilt and despair. When you recognise you are engaging in these behaviours which harm your wellbeing you can do something about it.
You can start by asking yourself the following reflective questions:
Of all the things that I do, what nourishes me? What increases my sense of actually being alive and present rather than merely existing?
This is an 'up' activity.
2. Of all the things that I do, what drains me? What decreases my sense of being alive and present, and makes me feel I am merely existing? These are 'down' activities.
3. If I accept some aspects of my life I cannot change, do I consciously choose to increase my time and activity on 'up' activities rather than on 'down' activities?
By being present in more of our moments and making mindful decisions about what we need in each moment, we can skilfully choose activities that nourish our well-being or are appropriate to our current situation. This holds true for our patterns of everyday life. By cultivating self-awareness we can use these tools at times of heightened stress, anxiety or depression. For example, by doing exercise every day (walking, yoga, stretching etc) we are sustaining our well-being but also giving ourselves a ready response to low moods as they arise.
What you DO does matter. Grieving is a verb. We are meant to be engaging in activities to progress on our grief journey. Otherwise, we can get stuck in suffering.
Here is a 3-minute exercise we can do to help us deal with unpleasant feelings as they arise.
It is a 'breathing space' meditation.
The 'breathing space' in mindfulness refers to a brief, structured mindfulness exercise designed to help us pause our mental state. One popular version is the 3-Minute Breathing Space exercise. This exercise involves three steps:
Becoming Aware: Take a moment to notice what is happening in your mind and body. Acknowledge any thoughts, feelings, or sensations without judgment.
Focusing on the Breath: Narrow your attention to the physical sensations of breathing. Feel the breath as it enters and leaves your body.
Expanding awareness: Broaden your focus to include a sense of your body as a whole, along with any thoughts and feelings that arise.
Practising this breathing exercise you will find connection with an expanded awareness which calms an agitated mind. Practised regularly it will give you back control over feelings when they become overwhelming.
4. You can now ask yourself:
What do I need for myself right now?
How can I best take care of myself right now?
It might be useful to consider:
1. Doing something pleasurable:
You could nourish your body by having a relaxing bubble bath, eating food that is good for you or going for a walk.
2. Doing enjoyable activities:
You could arrange to see a friend, listen to music or engage in a creative activity to draw your focus away from yourself into creating.
3. Doing something that will give you a sense of satisfaction or mastery:
Break tasks down into small steps and congratulate yourself when you achieve part of a whole task: clean the house, declutter a cupboard, or try something outside your comfort zone like visiting a grief support group.
Summary
What we do with our time from moment to moment, hour to hour, from one year to the next, has a profound influence on our general well-being and our ability to deal skilfully with the challenges of grief.
What we do and think habitually sets the scene for the rest of our lives. We owe it to ourselves to actively work through our grief, engaging with support to learn about tools and strategies that help, like those above. The alternative is a life wasted by staying in a pit of grief. We hope you practise these tips to help you manage overwhelm and feelings of helplessness when they arise. You will feel calmer and regain control.
By building the breathing space and this time for mindful awareness into your daily routine you will have the means to acknowledge and release your emotions. When you also include active, pleasurable, self-care activities you will improve your general well-being and start to heal.
.
Comments